Heavy Heart
It's with a heavy heart that I type this post. To be honest I'm not even exactly sure what I'm going to say so I apologize if I ramble.
First, I want to say that what happened in Orlando has made my heart heavy. Heavy with sadness and love. When the hubs and I found out we had our girls in a wagon and were spelling things out so Emily wouldn't hear us say things like, automatic weapon, dead, open fire, injured. As I sat there and looked at their super innocent faces while we were spelling such horrific words my stomach dropped.
It dropped for a lot of reasons and it wasn't until later when they were safely tucked in their beds that I figured out why. I honestly thought it was because one day I'm going to have to explain senseless tragedies like this to them. But when I got honest with myself it was deeper than that.
My daughters, given their ages, are the purest forms of love one could hope for. They haven't been really hurt by life, other people etc yet. They see the world as friendly, fun and loving. Watching them experience life has awakened me to seeing the world that way again.
Then tragedy strikes and makes us question this loving outlook. We want to make sense of it. We want to understand it so we can digest it. I think it's easy to throw around labels and terms because we need to compartmentalize things that make us sad or uncomfortable. It's hard to sit in sadness or to sit in discomfort. It's a lot easier to let the news media take over the commentary and let the talking heads immediately start dividing us on this issue based on what we are suppose to believe.
I haven't watched the news at all because I'm not interested in that commentary. What I am interested in is love. My social media feed is blowing up with love over this heinous event and that lifts my very heavy heart. People are uniting in prayer and I know in my heart and bones when we gather together and pray miracles happen.
I don't know why this tragedy happened and I don't want to speculate. If my daughters could ask me why I would tell them I truly don't know why. However, I will not let a stranger who did an unspeakable thing turn my heart to fear instead of love. I will not let a gunman be the focus of the story. For me I will focus on those beautiful lives that were lost and their families. I will pray for them and send them all the love that I can. They are the story for me. The outpouring of love that has occurred and still is will be the story for me.
Matt and I watch the news together every morning while we drink coffee and play with the girls and today we didn't. It was an unspoken thing. Neither one of us wanted that to be how we started our day. Instead we drank coffee, played with Em's new golf set and fed Olivia. Today we chose to start our day with love and simplicity.
I will watch the news again but I'm not sure when. I honestly don't even know why I just wrote all of this other than to put my truth out there. I wanted all of you to know that I'm praying with you, I'm hurting with you and that as hard as it is I am choosing love with you.
xoxo
First, I want to say that what happened in Orlando has made my heart heavy. Heavy with sadness and love. When the hubs and I found out we had our girls in a wagon and were spelling things out so Emily wouldn't hear us say things like, automatic weapon, dead, open fire, injured. As I sat there and looked at their super innocent faces while we were spelling such horrific words my stomach dropped.
It dropped for a lot of reasons and it wasn't until later when they were safely tucked in their beds that I figured out why. I honestly thought it was because one day I'm going to have to explain senseless tragedies like this to them. But when I got honest with myself it was deeper than that.
My daughters, given their ages, are the purest forms of love one could hope for. They haven't been really hurt by life, other people etc yet. They see the world as friendly, fun and loving. Watching them experience life has awakened me to seeing the world that way again.
Then tragedy strikes and makes us question this loving outlook. We want to make sense of it. We want to understand it so we can digest it. I think it's easy to throw around labels and terms because we need to compartmentalize things that make us sad or uncomfortable. It's hard to sit in sadness or to sit in discomfort. It's a lot easier to let the news media take over the commentary and let the talking heads immediately start dividing us on this issue based on what we are suppose to believe.
I haven't watched the news at all because I'm not interested in that commentary. What I am interested in is love. My social media feed is blowing up with love over this heinous event and that lifts my very heavy heart. People are uniting in prayer and I know in my heart and bones when we gather together and pray miracles happen.
I don't know why this tragedy happened and I don't want to speculate. If my daughters could ask me why I would tell them I truly don't know why. However, I will not let a stranger who did an unspeakable thing turn my heart to fear instead of love. I will not let a gunman be the focus of the story. For me I will focus on those beautiful lives that were lost and their families. I will pray for them and send them all the love that I can. They are the story for me. The outpouring of love that has occurred and still is will be the story for me.
Matt and I watch the news together every morning while we drink coffee and play with the girls and today we didn't. It was an unspoken thing. Neither one of us wanted that to be how we started our day. Instead we drank coffee, played with Em's new golf set and fed Olivia. Today we chose to start our day with love and simplicity.
I will watch the news again but I'm not sure when. I honestly don't even know why I just wrote all of this other than to put my truth out there. I wanted all of you to know that I'm praying with you, I'm hurting with you and that as hard as it is I am choosing love with you.
xoxo
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