Thank You My Friends
I just want to say a big heartfelt thank you to all of you! Your responses to the shame game post were so beautiful, real and touching that I am overwhelmed. I feel so blessed that so many of you texted, emailed, commented and felt safe to share with me. I feel so incredibly humbled and proud that I was able to hold that space for some of you.
I got a lot of questions about books I read, resources etc. I am posting these here because it's easier to reach all of you that way. These are just what I like and what work for me I highly encourage everyone to follow their own path in life and in parenting. These resources helped me carve out time and space for myself.
I AM NOT AN EXPERT IN ANYTHING!! I AM JUST TRYING TO WADE THROUGH PARENTING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND I HAVE A BIG MOUTH. I felt like that needed to be said in shouty caps for people that may think I have got this thing all figured out and then see me in Target feeding my kids Twizzlers, while one melts down in the check out line and the other is taking their diaper off. Not that, that has ever happened ;)
xoxo
1. Brene Brown
Is fing awesome. She's my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Seriously she speaks in a way that totally connects with me and I've read almost every book she's ever written (most have zero to do with parenting). She's one of the few people that can talk about parenting and not make me wanna scream or hurl.
She has several resources. I actually listened to (and still do from time to time) The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting during my commute to Atlanta. It's a great resource and touchstone for me. Brene recently introduced an online course around the book but it's not mandatory to read before doing the online course.
The course is short videos and then exercises you do on your own. I really love her take on belonging vs fitting in and how we can create an environment of belonging. The links below are to her book and online course.
Click here!
Click here!
2. Someone You Trust
You need someone you trust that you can be really vulnerable with. For you that might be your mom, or a close girlfriend or a minister or your pediatrician. I think every parent needs one person they can go to and say "I think I'm seriously screwing this up and I need you to help me see things differently".
If you can do this by yourself than that's awesome and you can stop reading now. For me (and a lot of moms I know) you need a nonjudgmental party, who knows you and your child to help you navigate certain times and situations. This person should be someone well vetted, that you trust and that makes you feel safe.
It might take time to find this person and then establish a relationship or it might be ready made for you. Either way finding someone or someones that can have your back during your parenting adventure are crucial.
3. A Million Ways
What I will leave you with is there are about a million good ways to be a parent. There is no one size fits all method and that is a good thing. On the days that you think you are royally screwing it up you are probably being too hard on yourself or maybe you are but everyone is allowed bad day(s) ease up on yourself.
Some people only feed their kids organic and others live in the drive thru of Chick-fil-a. It doesn't matter because there are a million ways to parent!!! This experience is unique to you and if I know one thing it's this; you know your child better than anyone. Listen to that voice inside of you that is guiding you. Try not to listen to the voice of comparison or "you should be" that will always try and weasel it's way in. Don't listen to other people's harsh judgement or criticism of how you are doing things. Send these people packing and never call them again you don't need that sh!t right now.
The last thing I will say is take care of yourself! As parents we sometimes forget to look after our needs because we are busy making dinner, packing the backpack and running carpool. Take 5 minutes and sit down and do nothing, schedule a date night, go somewhere alone. Do whatever works for you, but take care of you.
I got a lot of questions about books I read, resources etc. I am posting these here because it's easier to reach all of you that way. These are just what I like and what work for me I highly encourage everyone to follow their own path in life and in parenting. These resources helped me carve out time and space for myself.
I AM NOT AN EXPERT IN ANYTHING!! I AM JUST TRYING TO WADE THROUGH PARENTING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND I HAVE A BIG MOUTH. I felt like that needed to be said in shouty caps for people that may think I have got this thing all figured out and then see me in Target feeding my kids Twizzlers, while one melts down in the check out line and the other is taking their diaper off. Not that, that has ever happened ;)
xoxo
1. Brene Brown
Is fing awesome. She's my hero and the wind beneath my wings. Seriously she speaks in a way that totally connects with me and I've read almost every book she's ever written (most have zero to do with parenting). She's one of the few people that can talk about parenting and not make me wanna scream or hurl.
She has several resources. I actually listened to (and still do from time to time) The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting during my commute to Atlanta. It's a great resource and touchstone for me. Brene recently introduced an online course around the book but it's not mandatory to read before doing the online course.
The course is short videos and then exercises you do on your own. I really love her take on belonging vs fitting in and how we can create an environment of belonging. The links below are to her book and online course.
Click here!
Click here!
2. Someone You Trust
You need someone you trust that you can be really vulnerable with. For you that might be your mom, or a close girlfriend or a minister or your pediatrician. I think every parent needs one person they can go to and say "I think I'm seriously screwing this up and I need you to help me see things differently".
If you can do this by yourself than that's awesome and you can stop reading now. For me (and a lot of moms I know) you need a nonjudgmental party, who knows you and your child to help you navigate certain times and situations. This person should be someone well vetted, that you trust and that makes you feel safe.
It might take time to find this person and then establish a relationship or it might be ready made for you. Either way finding someone or someones that can have your back during your parenting adventure are crucial.
3. A Million Ways
What I will leave you with is there are about a million good ways to be a parent. There is no one size fits all method and that is a good thing. On the days that you think you are royally screwing it up you are probably being too hard on yourself or maybe you are but everyone is allowed bad day(s) ease up on yourself.
Some people only feed their kids organic and others live in the drive thru of Chick-fil-a. It doesn't matter because there are a million ways to parent!!! This experience is unique to you and if I know one thing it's this; you know your child better than anyone. Listen to that voice inside of you that is guiding you. Try not to listen to the voice of comparison or "you should be" that will always try and weasel it's way in. Don't listen to other people's harsh judgement or criticism of how you are doing things. Send these people packing and never call them again you don't need that sh!t right now.
The last thing I will say is take care of yourself! As parents we sometimes forget to look after our needs because we are busy making dinner, packing the backpack and running carpool. Take 5 minutes and sit down and do nothing, schedule a date night, go somewhere alone. Do whatever works for you, but take care of you.
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