Getting Older.....Maybe Wiser

Happy Day this and thatters!!   I hope you are having an awesome weekend and soaking up this great weather.  

I turned 35 last friday and to be honest it got me thinking.  It got me thinking about what I've learned and what I still haven't.  I actually like getting older (for the most part) because I feel like I get better, wiser the more I age.  Do you feel the same way?  

So here's what I think I've learned and what I'm still working on!  My dad assures me I have plenty of time as he jokes that next year I will be closer to 50 than 20....sweet Jesus! :)

The older I get the more I value who I truly am vs. who I think I should be.  I spent so much time in my teens and twenties trying to either be someone else or a perfect version of myself.  I've realized that it's a waste of time to be anyone but you and that perfection is an illusion.  I once read an Ashley Judd quote that said "perfectionism is the highest form of self abuse."  I've never forgotten that and I couldn't agree more!

I also care less what people think of me.  Don't get it twisted I still care way more than I should what people think but it's infinitely better.  I can absolutely brush things off now and keep it moving.  Not everyone is going to have awesome things to say about me and I'm good with it.  I know who I am and that's what I value.

I've realized that what's on the inside is hugely important and valuable!  That while everyone spends a lot of time on outward appearances (and I'm not suggesting we shouldn't or that it's wrong) I think spending time on cultivating who you are, who you are becoming and who you are striving to be is extremely important.  I think people who are true to themselves, aware of who they are some of the most beautiful people I know.  

Family is the most important thing, period, full stop.  I've known that my whole life but getting older I truly get it now.  Family will back you up no matter what!  My parents and sister show me on a regular basis unconditional love, support and acceptance.  They are always there when I need them and ask very little in return.  It's such an amazing feeling to be able to count on them anytime I need them.  It's one of my greatest blessings in life.

While I have a temper and I've always kinda hated that part of myself I've learned to accept it.  I think through accepting it I've actually been able to tame the dragon, so to speak.  It doesn't mean I don't lose my shit from time to time but I'm able to control it.  I wasn't always able to do that.  I'm thankful for the age and the mellowing process.

My whole life all I ever wanted to be was a mother.  I didn't want to be anything but that.  I remember being in my 20s and seeing women who were pregnant and wondering if that would ever be me.  I sometimes was embarrassed about how badly I wanted to be a mom.  I'm not anymore.  While, in my mind, it may have seemed silly and small it wasn't and it isn't.  Please understand that just because I wanted to be a mother terribly bad it doesn't mean I had any clue about being one.  When I was 5 months pregnant with Emily I put my best friend's son diaper on backwards.  Shortly after that I signed the hubs and me up for a parenting class.  Best $75 I ever spent!

I still really want to work on my anxiety.  While it's better than it ever has been I always have work to do.  I hope that with age and the mellowing process it will get better.  I also hope that the meditation, yoga, devotionals and self care will help as well.  I hope I am changing slowly and in such a way that I can't see it everyday.  

I would like to not be so OCD about stuff around my house.  I literally cannot rest if my house isn't straight....now clean is another story :)  While motherhood has helped with my need for order some it hasn't cured that need completely.  I'm sure baby girl #2 will help me work on this issue!!

I'm still learning to put it all out there and be vulnerable.  Being vulnerable is extremely hard for me and something I have struggled with my entire life.  Literally, the hubs will have to pry things out of me if they are making me feel embarrassed, silly or vulnerable.  I know that sounds crazy but I've always been this way.  I know it's not good so I am sincerely trying to be better about it.  I will let you know how it goes ;)

xoxo